Company of People
Enigmatic and mystical were people
Even as I belonged to the lot of them.
Never was I ready, never wanted to be ready,
Although I might have missed someone,
In essence, detested the idea of belonging.
Never longed for the so-called company,
And although one remained by my side,
Thought I, one is more than enough
For such a rascal and immature being.
Allergic and repelling was I, thought best
To leave accompaniments where they belong;
In the dark corners of roofs, dark and dusty.
Desolate, despondent, diminished debris,
Damaged deep distrusts accumulated within.
Perhaps such immaturity caused a prison,
Perhaps I made such islands; stranded in-land.
Why did I create thus, when Man I could,
Why, for what? Encircle the broken and keep.
Insurmountable were the days encumbered,
Craved not for Earthly things, chased dreams.
Dreams were so far and missed the near mountains.
Bumped them and belittled them, scorned.
Within the artificial circles we so named,
I created a square of mine and fenced
The circles, rectangles, and triangles
Because other shapes were beyond notice.
Boogied in my own square, trumped magnificently.
Marched on and on within the high walls,
Creating bricks with past hurtful moments.
Thinkin’ back, why did I?
To honour covenants so childishly mistaken?
WE both know that such covenant
Was made due to incomplete promises.
We are past that; I have proven myself.
And with such trust, I found freedom,
And social alcohol that I once thought toxic.
Alcohol, bad as they may be, commands out lives.
Shun it, run from it, love it, embrace it,
Alcohol dreams up the possible of the society.
Company does what alcohol does; albeit similar.
Love in itself created what society sought to shun.
Love illusioned what romance is of company;
Brought meaning to certain necessities resulting in us.
I thought so, I brought the higher notion;
Was not the covenant and my doubts that curtained.
Created my own image of peace and serenity
That I drove away from the inescapable truth;
The truth that seemed definite from when we were born.
What I thought immature reciprocated towards me,
Lonesome? No, not that dramatic trash,
The value and the wisdom of age struck me such;
Such I have never realized shot back in revenge.
A value such valued lost its value in me
When pain scraped me of all my vitality.
Thinkin’ back, I thought little of everything;
Myself, thoughts, beliefs, freedom, depravity struck
To be the probable success to logical plausibility.
What seemed logical was to be daring and bold,
But such boldness succumbed to shortsightedness.
Because what for did I scorn companionship
When all I felt was fear and doubt?
Has time healed? I do not know, not probable;
Time waits for no one and certainly not growing.
A kindled spirit awakened gradually like a needle;
Thrusting into the fabric embodying the nakedness of me.
Have I known what I know now, such transactions
Would be deemed simple and I shall be worthy
Of things finer than what fate enclosed on me.
Perhaps the only regret we make when we die
Is letting fate be you and not an element
We can control and discard when time mends.
For such a young man as I, I feel the age
And experience that I feel to have felt.
I am young and uncertainty clouds my judgment.
But what clouds the uncertainty is the certainty
That though Pacific may divide the isles,
Such learnings and addictions, fighting them,
Will endow will and judgment to harmonize
What seems inescapable to me and I.
I have loved and hated the same person;
I have praised and reprimanded all in person.
What we learn in life is the futility;
The futility of love and hatred and all felt
When one is truly one and not all.
A note on a piano does not make a chord
No matter how beautifully it may be pressed.
A single word does not inflict the same personality
No matter how much meaning is put into it.
The motion of a tiger is no different than a lion,
Should the tiger feel the same as the lion.
But no ship sails from the east to west
Without the sanity of a company.
A truly respectable and magnanimous man
Praises not himself, but all he knows.
Mere talking brings smiles and laughter;
In darkness, such light guides us through.
Jaws move, tongues form, and throats vibrate:
The heart beats in rhythm and the brain knows.
The brain knows and yet I did not know.
Go out. Cross the threshold. Be you.
You know who you are and you know yourself.
There are no chains holding; not anymore.
You have love, you have capabilities,
Let yourself go. Let yourself go. Let yourself go.
It has been far too long since you crossed the bridge;
It has been too long since you drowned.
Pull yourself up, draw your weapons and march.
A little company is what you need.
Fear no more, there is nothing to prove.
You know it and God knows you deserve it.
Too long have the wings cowarded away,
Too long have you shun it away; see it.
Look back and see the folded wings,
You can control it. You can unfold it.
Cross the ocean like you promised to.
Hold the company that you need, feel it;
They are waiting for you and reaching out
For you; for you and for everyone.
You were a kid when I first saw you,
A scared little kid that did not know anything.
You are ready, you have grown out of those shoes.
Join the company and teach them the meaning;
Meaning that you have searched and found within.
Brian's Poems 